Blog 87

A friend pointed out the other day that in all of the dictionaries for Cockney rhyming slang on the internet they all state that an email is an "Alexei Sayle".  For example "I'll Alexei Sayle you later."

Then they pointed out in the explanation it said.  "Alexei Sayle used to be a comedian in the UK."

So swings and roundabouts really.


Blog 87a.

Yes he was a lovely man and you're right all the Alf bits are Graham and Arthur apart from that bit at the end of the show where we're improvising (it went on for ages but in the end we only used a tiny portion) and I say about how "dollies are pure..."

He was also briefly in Merry Go Round. 

News at Ten did call yesterday but that was the only one and nobody called me about Cilla at all.


Blog 86

I went to see Jethro Tull at the Fairfield Halls in Croydon last night. Not the 60s band but the agriculturalist and inventor of the horse drawn seed drill in 1701.  He rocked!


Blog 86A

I have begun buying some of my clothes at a branch of High & Mighty in central London.  I know I once typified these sort of shops as "Mister Fat Bastard" but they do stock the larger sizes of fashionable brands such as Gant and Ralph Lauren, sometimes I buy just 1x or 2x.  However on Saturday I thought there was something odd about the bloke who served me.  Just as opticians who have perfect sight often wear spectacles of plain glass so as to reassure their customers that they are like them.  In order to reassure his shoppers I suspected that this guy was wearing a false stomach.


Blog 85

Hi Russell and everybody else, sorry I have been away for so long, I couldn’t think of anything to write to be honest.  The book reading tour even though it was only about 20 plus dates in four months sort of came to dominate everything, whenever I wasn’t driving somewhere I was mostly sitting in a chair quietly humming to myself.   I did enjoy doing the readings and meeting all the audiences, though I’ve put on about five kilos.  Me and Linda resolved to eat healthily yet after the very first date we found ourselves in the chip shop following the show.

On the writing front I’ve finished a second draft of “Thatcher Stole My Trousers” and my editor’s looking at it right now.  Once I get her notes I’ll need to spend a couple of months polishing a third draft then it will be published next year.  When that happens I’ll be thrown into a maelstrom of publicity.

The only live event I have at the moment this year is “Talking Comedy”  12.00.  Assembly Rooms.  Edinburgh 20th Aug. which is an interview type thing with Prof Olly Double of the University of Comedy in Kent.



Sometimes there's two men who sit parked outside my house or over the road all day in a Range Rover.   Sometimes they have the engine running sometimes not.  Occasionally one goes and gets coffee for them both from the Costa on the corner.  I wonder what they are doing.  Sometimes I think that possibly there is literally no reason why they are there at all.



Funnily enough we had a meeting about Thatcher Stole My Trousers today. I've moved publishers to Bloomsbury (which is even nearer my house than Hodders) and they have great plans for next year.  The period the book covers is from 1971 and me coming down to London and ends in 1985 round about the end of the Miners Strike so includes the the Comedy Store and the two series of the Young Ones. I think publication will be April next year but I'd like to get the final draft done by the end of August.


Blog 84

Here is the list of the book readings I'm doing over the next few months.



Colchester Arts Centre.  Feb 26th.



Pontardawe Arts Centre.  6th.

Flavel.  Dartmouth. 7th.

Acorn Penzance. 8th.

Exeter Phoenix.  9th.

Plough Nth Devon 10th.

Winchester Discovery 11th.

Quay Sudbury 13th.



Worcester Huntingdon Hall  16th.

Cutty Sark.  Greenwich 20th.

Brindley Arts Centre, Runcorn 29th.



Forest.  New MIlton 12th

Albany Coventry 16th

Berwick Maltings 27th.

Alnwick Playhouse 28th

Selby Town Hall 29th.

MAC. Birmingham 30th.


BLOG 84a.

I fell over in the street yesterday.  We’d bought some steamer cushions, I think they’re called, for the sun-loungers in our place in Spain and they come in these long cardboard boxes.  I took the boxes out to the car prior to taking them to the recycling but they needed breaking down a bit.  I was stomping on one when it got caught round my ankles and I fell to the pavement.  I’m getting quite good at falling.  I came off  my bike twice last year, once when I was hit by that taxi and again when I struck a pothole in Islington and came off, each time I feel I fell with the grace of a tiger though CCTV footage might disagree.    A guy passing with his dog said “The cardboard box fought back.”  Then he did ask me if I was OK.

Falling is a big thing for older people, apparently apart from the injuries they suffer, they/we also get scared and stop moving about.   So I read in the Mail an article from a doctor saying you can counter-act this by standing on one leg, at first for 10 seconds then increasing the time to improve you balance.  So that’s what I did, I started standing like a stork and was getting quite good at it until I was walking on the Heath one day and I felt a terrible pain in my calf, so intense that I could hardly walk and had to limp back to the car.  I’m sure this pain was caused by the unusual strain being put on my calf by me standing on that leg unsupported for long periods.   Now I don’t know what to do.


Blog 83

Product news!  A while ago I was on Broadcasting House on Radio 4 reviewing the papers and I launched into a Marxist denunciation of Strictly Come Dancing which they were very taken with.  I’ve now done a longer piece for the Guardian on the same theme.  I’m not sure when it will be printed but I would guess in the next few days.

I’ve also booked a small book reading tour for next year, a few dates a month so I’ll put those dates on here when they are all confirmed.  I’ll mostly be reading from the new memoir “Thatcher Stole My Trousers”.  I’ve moved publishers from Sceptre to Bloomsbury and they want to publish that in March 2016.  So bit of time to go.

Celebrity gossip! I bumped into Stewart Lee the other day in Camden, he bought me a coffee and while we were chatting he got a parking ticket.  I said I'd buy him something nice for Christmas to compensate but I probably won't.


Blog 83a

Sadly my show "Hot Tango Cool Salsa" is not real but there's a woman on the Guardian comments who thinks it is.


Blog 83b

Yes thank you Peter, I thought for a while there I'd written a song that I had no recollection of writing.

Here's some of the dates on my very spread out book reading tour.  Which is called "Listen with Alexei"

 Thursday 22nd Fareham-(think this one's sold out but might be some returns)

23rd Dorchester_Corn Exchange.

3rd Feb Merlin Theatre Frome.  

7th Gulbenkian Canterbury.  (This one's just an interview type thing)

26th Feb-Colchester Arts.

 6th March Pontardaw Arts.  

7th Flavel Dartmouth.  

8th Acorn Penzance.