Blog 90

I used to think there was some force in the universe which meant that anybody who crossed me would suffer.  Years ago I travelled to Birmingham to do the BBC 1 lunchtime show “Pebble Mill At One” suffering from a very bad cold.  Just before we were about to go live the woman who was hosting it turned to me and said, “those are my scripts on that chair I know you think it would be funny to mess with them but don’t alright!”   Of course I had no intention of doing any such thing but I was feeling too ill to make a fuss.  On the way back all the trains were cancelled and I had to take a taxi at my own expense to London.  Over the years I have watched as that woman’s career has slowly declined from daytime TV, the last I heard of her she’d just had her show cancelled on Radio Devon.    The only place that seemed immune to the force in the universe that avenged me was a sandwich bar in Southwark London that had been converted to a cafe from a toilet.  For some reason I went there twice and both times they short changed me.  I confidently expected the place to burn down or be closed by the health people but it is still going strong to this day.  The only conclusion I can come to is that the people who own this ex-toilet cafe are in touch with more powerful darker forces that me.

During the last murderous Israeli assault on Gaza I fell out badly with a pro Israeli woman on the Jeremy Vine show on Radio 2  who threatened to sue me for libel.   Then a while ago I was listening to Woman’s Hour on Radio 4 and I thought to myself “who’s that horrible snide person hosting the show?”  It was her!  So then I thought maybe she was in league with same dark forces as the Southwark Toilet/Sandwich bar but she hasn’t been on for a while so maybe she isn’t.


Blog 90a

With regard to audio books apparently Bloomsbury spoke to Audible and others but they weren't interested in an audio book from me even with my lovely voice and everything so I don't know what to do really.


Blog 89

I see Metro chose "Thatcher Stole My Trousers" today as one of their picks for 2016 which is a good start.  Now that the holiday break is over we will be ramping up publicity ahead of the launch on March 10th.  I will let you know about readings etc.  There is one in Wanstead that sold out in an hour!  (admittedly the place only holds 80 but still...)



 Blog 89a

There's a nice quote in an interview with Paul Merton in the Guardian today.

"So, after leaving school, he worked for seven years as a clerical officer at Tooting employment office. “I remember I was 19 and they were already advising me to consider my pension options.” Then he saw Alexei Sayle. “People go on about seeing the Sex Pistols live. He was my Sex Pistols.” Inspired, Merton quit the civil service and gave himself five years to make it."

 Blog 89b

Reading the recent obituaries I was reminded of a joke David Stafford wrote for me that B.B. King's first names were actually Boutros Boutros.

Also every time I drive up the Kilburn High Road I am reminded of his play on the remark of Louis XIV "L'etat cest une cinema a Kilburn"


Blog 89 c

Hi Rich.  At the moment there's no audio of "Thatcher..." but funnily enough I just emailed Bloomsbury asking why earlier today.  Maybe we'll do one.


Blog 88


Well interestingly enough me and Clive James didn’t get on in my early years, he didn’t appreciate my style of humour but later on things got better between us and he actually compared my short stories favourably with De Moupassant  which was nice.  Funny you remember that night at the 100 Club it was weird us both being there.  I tried to out dance him but he had an advantage. He did an interview with me for Sky Arts, I think it was at his flat on the river and I saw he had his own dance studio with a sprung floor and everything.

And Russell you mention all the writers I’ve worked with but say not John Sullivan.  In fact round about 1992 Sullivan wrote a pilot script starring me and we actually made the pilot.  It was called I think something like “A Small Island” and I had a VHS but I’ve lost it.   So if anybody has one I’d love to see it  which is unlikely because I think the BBC probably had all the tapes destroyed.  I won’t go on about all the many things that were wrong with it right now but maybe one day...


Blog 87

A friend pointed out the other day that in all of the dictionaries for Cockney rhyming slang on the internet they all state that an email is an "Alexei Sayle".  For example "I'll Alexei Sayle you later."

Then they pointed out in the explanation it said.  "Alexei Sayle used to be a comedian in the UK."

So swings and roundabouts really.


Blog 87a.

Yes he was a lovely man and you're right all the Alf bits are Graham and Arthur apart from that bit at the end of the show where we're improvising (it went on for ages but in the end we only used a tiny portion) and I say about how "dollies are pure..."

He was also briefly in Merry Go Round. 

News at Ten did call yesterday but that was the only one and nobody called me about Cilla at all.


Blog 86

I went to see Jethro Tull at the Fairfield Halls in Croydon last night. Not the 60s band but the agriculturalist and inventor of the horse drawn seed drill in 1701.  He rocked!


Blog 86A

I have begun buying some of my clothes at a branch of High & Mighty in central London.  I know I once typified these sort of shops as "Mister Fat Bastard" but they do stock the larger sizes of fashionable brands such as Gant and Ralph Lauren, sometimes I buy just 1x or 2x.  However on Saturday I thought there was something odd about the bloke who served me.  Just as opticians who have perfect sight often wear spectacles of plain glass so as to reassure their customers that they are like them.  In order to reassure his shoppers I suspected that this guy was wearing a false stomach.