Blog No. 23
Friday, October 23, 2009 at 10:24PM Still in Australia. There were some very nice English guys staying in our hotel in Sydney who we got chatting with. They lived in different parts of Australia and were there taking part in some kind of veteran’s football competition. They told us that they went out the previous night drinking in Kings Cross and about 3 a.m a fight broke out in the street. They said the police appeared very quickly to suppress it but and they had on theirhands these big mittens that they used to bash everybody about with. I have now become very frightened of The Big Mitten.
I got flashed by a speed camera on the way up to Queensland and I fear they may use it on me, now I’ve broken the law, I don’t want to be bashed by The Big Mitten, does anybody know if this is likely?
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Reader Comments (36)
Methods vary from state to state. Only Sydney uses big mittens. In the rest of NSW, the standard treatment is to lock prisoners in a room and have them lectured by teenage girls who end every sentence with an annoying upward inflection. In Queensland you are suspended from a beam and have your toes licked by wombats. For a second offence, the wombats have halitosis (probably contracted by licking toes). In Victoria you have to read Australian poetry.
I hope that this helps.
Big Mittens? I just googled it but I can't find anything like it. Can you take a photo of them if you see them in action and put it online somewhere so we can see them. Are you sure the English guys weren't on Acid?
If they come after you with those mittens, try to get hold of one and I'll pay you good money for it. I have a 13 year old who is now taller than me so I need one of those.
Once Mitten twice shy.
Alexei, I think i've found them. Pretty scary indeed!
http://blog.modernmechanix.com/mags/qf/c/ModernMechanix/9-1935/med_electric_glove.jpg
Or perhaps you got it wrong and they're meant for you:
http://blog.modernmechanix.com/mags/qf/c/PopularScience/10-1933/med_mitten_handcuffs.jpg
Not likely, Alexei. Big Mittens are anti-masturbation devices worn by poms to stop them being wankers.
Whi?
as you're in Qld, you can probably visit the Big Mitten, i think its up the road from the Big pineapple...
At least us Poms have a measure to prevent us from being wankers, the poor Aussies don't have such devices so they are always wankers.
Crimm Pimms.
I hope you are enjoying Australia. You've obviously met some interesting people. I think the vast amounts of neon in The Cross has a detrimental effect on peoples ability to stay in touch with reality. It's happened to me on many occassion there..and I have no other excuse for it as far as I can see.
On a serious note, The Australian Friends of Palestine are having a fundraiser at the end of November to raise funds (that was self-evident) to support their activities and I was hoping you would donate an autograph that could be used as a prize. I've seen the Palestine Collector Cards and I think they're a great idea and I admire the work you, and others, are doing in the UK. If you'd like to give an autograph you can contact Jeanie Lucas at AFOPA via secretary@friendsofpalestine.org.au or post it to their Head Office at PO Box 221, Unley SA 5061, AUSTRALIA. I am only a member of the organisation but I know they would appreciate your involvement. Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope you enjoy the rest of your visit.
Regards,
Davina
Bet you're glad you just missed Hale & Pace then! How was the comedy festival Mr. Sayle? big mittens...
xx
Alexei, the mittenmen got you, didn't they? Tell us which jail you're in and we'll send you postcards instead.
Homer: [singing] If your happy and you know it say a swear
Nelson: Boobs!
Milhouse: Hiney!
Ralph: Mitten! [all laugh]
I genuinely am baffled by the continued investment in Sayle as anything other than a self publicist. No cannon of significant or meaningful work. No affiliation with any great movement (other than his own constantly fluctuating political views, depending on who's been voted in at the time and what is currently acceptable, from socialist to new labour). You are a man who happened to find yourself in the Young Ones despite your dearth of talent and total inability to make people laugh as a stand up. Your only peer is Lenny Henry - another person who would be unable to make people laugh in a marijuana factory! Whatever my view the two of you will continue to be lauded as comic geniuses but the truth is that you never, ever made the real public laugh. I would really like any Sayle or Henry fan to give me a list of their classic moments (please don't insult me with gotta new motor - not funny then or now). You are the luckiest man in the world, a talentless toerag in the right place at the right time - to watch you voice your opinions on comedy, culture and art is a joke. Please have some comfort that at least one member of the masses knows that you are just a talentless Scouse Twat!
He He, I fell upon this by accident but pissed myself laughing (the only time Alexei has did that!). Totally agree with paddy and the comments on Henry who was embarrassing to watch on the F Word tonight. What gets me is all the tossers who are continuing to follow you (although most of the comments have to be family and friends). Glad you are in Australia , stay there please.
if only!
The worst ever, the only true joke was that he is regarded as a comedian - hilarious
saying he,s as funny as Henry is like saying he,s as tasty as shite.not one sayle joke is a classic or routine NOT ONE
Alexei Sayle, comedian , best joke ever. Now interviewed in his mansion dressed in Homer Simpsons moo moo giving us the benefit of his insight into life in Toxteth - sorry, not funny